This past weekend we decided to take a little trip to IF to go to the Temple. I don’t travel as well as I use to so when we go we usually stay overnight and try to do something as a family, leaving phone calls to go to voicemail. The Creature and I love it when we have Daddy’s full attention. There is nothing worst than a husband(or in some case, a wife) who can’t leave work behind. I hate when we go on a trip or even on a little outing around town and most of the time is the Creature and I waiting in the truck for Dad to get off the phone. So when he actually puts it on silent and focuses just on us it is something I really cherish and appreciate it. I was so grateful this past weekend was business free

We decided to take the Creature to the Zoo. Our timing wasn’t the greatest. It was fieldtrip day and all the nosing, not so nice kids would scare the animals just as our little guy finally spotted them or became interested in them. I think next time we’ll call ahead to make sure we’re not coming on a crowded day. We were surprised by how excited Little Man was to see all the animals. He was beside himself with laughter and pure joy. He also had quite a few meltdowns when we wouldn’t let him pet the animals. The worst tantrum thrown was when he couldn’t go pet the Lions (they were his favorite.) Luckily he got over it.

As soon as he saw all the other kids he had to take off running after them.

Love this cute little face

He finally got to pet an animal but he was all tuckered out by this point so it wasn’t as exciting for him.

We also went swimming and played at the Temple for a bit. Anything with water and grass this kid loves. Poor baby does seem to have similar allergies as me though. We both have been fighting Hay Fever for several weeks and just when I thought we were finally getting better I realized we had both broken out in a rash on our arms and legs from playing in the grass at the Temple. Sigh.

The best part of the trip for me was deciding to go to the D.I. and seeing what they might have for a nice cozy chair. I honestly wasn’t expecting to find anything and even if I did I was expecting it would cost $50-$100 as these are the prices I am use to for used furniture at most D.I.s and other Thrift Stores. As soon as I walked in I saw the perfect chair. It was 100% my style. It was really beat up though and would require more work than I was willing to put into it. Plus I really didn’t think John would love it as much as me I took a look at the other chairs and found one that was perfect for BOTH John and me. With a little bath and new slip cover I will have the perfect chair It is a swivel rocker and the perfect size for John and I and our guests that may stop by. The cost? $15.00!!! I was soo excited! I had them hold it for me until John could get out of the temple and I could spend his money I LOVE being under budget! The best part is, since I am way under budget, I can now purchase a nice quality fabric for the slip cover instead of having to “make do” with a cheaper fabric or whatever condition the chair is in. And even with the higher quality fabric I’ll still be under budget Yep. It was the highlight of my weekend.

Nathan loves it too but only because he discovered this morning that it swivels

I was gonna wait to share this post but then I got too excited, so figured why not?

Currently we live in a Single Wide. It is not my ideal home but it has been a blessing as we get out of debt and recover from the Real Estate Crash (Prior to moving back to SV we fixed and flipped and invested in Real Estate. Things were moving along when we were blindsided by the crash. But that’s a rather long and boring story.) So here we are, working our way to achieve our goals and dreams in life despite our great fall.

I am one that prefers to save and save and save until I find what I absolutely love. Every now and again I see something I want for “when we build our home.” and I become slightly melancholy about whether or not it is ever really going to happen. I have been hesitant to really make our current home a “Home.” For the past few years it has just been the place we live. With recent events in our lives, I finally decided it was time I stop trying to save and live for “someday when we build our home.” to “today in our home.”

My new priority in life is creating a home and place of sacredness for my son, to be a better mother and wife. Feeling depressed about our living arrangements doesn’t really help create that environment so after discussing it with the hubs, we decided to create a budget for making our house a home.

I am in love with what we have come up with and although we will have to save up for some things, such as furniture and decor, it will only take a few months to achieve vs. years of dreaming about it. I suppose most people really won’t understand where I am coming from with all this. That’s okay. It gives me purpose and excitement in my life to work toward creating a home both physically and spiritually. At night I am unable to sleep because of night  terrors and worries. Last night I was unable to sleep because I was excitedly waiting for our local Hardware store to open!

Because our Living room is pretty square and “small” (actually a pretty decent size for a single wide) We have decided the best solution for our sitting arrangement is what I like to call a Compact Sectional. Here’s a sample of a style we are thinking of, minus  the extension at the end. Final color to be decided

http://www.huntershomecenter.com

This will allow us to have slightly more room and not have wasted space that our other couches create. I am still debating on whether or not we will actually have end tables by the couches. I think it will depend on the final size of the sectional and if I think it’s too much or not (at the moment I think it’s too much but I’m trying to humor John:))

In the corner by the front window we will have a nice cozy chair. To help save on money I am actually hoping to find a chair that is slightly used. I would love a swivel/glider type chair like below so that I can be more comfortable when rocking the Creature to sleep. I also think having a nice cozy chair like this will be more inviting for our family and friends when they come to visit vs. the current glider sitting in the corner.

http://www.huntershomecenter.com

http://www.huntershomecenter.com

Next to our cozy chair there will be a nice little sofa table with a table lamp I bought last year. I am slightly skeptical that we will be able to get a full size sofa table to fit in that spot (which if we can’t means no table lamp) but John really wants one so we will see I’m also hoping to find a nice good size table to go with the sectional. Hopefully I’ll find some of the items at yard sales and thrift stores to help save on our budget

Here is the plan for our living room. We are also fixing up the kitchen which will flow with our living room. The main layout of our home is open. There  are no walls to separate the living room and kitchen so I wanted to choose colors that would give both rooms their own identity but complement each other so it isn’t such a shock to one’s eyes when they walk into our home. I have spent the past few years following and study different Interior Design Blogs to help me figure some things out. I am not very good at drawing things to scale or as a professional designer would, but you get the idea

And now for the wall color. This is kind of a funny and frustrating story. I have always LOVED gray walls (even before they became trendy) and I have always had the perfect gray in my mind. However, my darling husband did not see the vision and wanted White walls (Gasp!) We finally decided on a nice Gray with a blue undertone. It is actually a really pretty color and I have loved it for my photo sessions, but as a wall color for the entire house? Um, no. However, I didn’t know how to break it to John and I felt bad that I ended up not liking the end results because of all the hard work he put into it. I felt like I was always entering a child’s room and I haven’t even bothered finishing up the living room with trim or pictures because I just couldn’t “fall in love” with the color.

Small back story: I have been trying to talk John into changing the carpet also, but the cost has made both of us a little hesitant. After getting quotes locally and outside of the area I came to realize that it was just going to cost and the sooner I accepted that the sooner I could move forward and make a final decision on what type of carpet to get. So, earlier this week I went to Carpet’s Plus and got some samples.

I brought them home and to my surprise John actually got excited about it and as we discussed the carpet, the color of the walls came up. I finally confessed my true feelings and he confessed his. He NEVER liked it but he kept pretending that he did because I kept pretending that I did LOL!

When deciding on my gray colors I appointed myself as the one to have the final decision because I had the vision and the hubs did not I did ask for his help to narrow it down and to make sure we were both on the same page of style. This is where the carpet really comes in. I want grays or creams for our carpet color. And not the ugly grays, the really nice, complement your wall, grays. So now we get to go through more samples to help us find the perfect wall and carpet color

I originally wanted to go with Ralph Lauren’s grays, but I couldn’t get any samples and I was getting really frustrated with it so I scratched that idea. I promised John to try to keep the paint budget low anyway since this would be the second time to paint in less than a year I suppose next time I should just get the paint samples I want and let him see the results for himself before making a final decision.

And thus that is what we did this time. His response to the carpet samples was such a pleasant surprise that I really felt that if he could see the paint samples on the wall and compare the different shades of carpet with it than we could both be happy with the final color.

The color isn’t quite accurate in the picture, but these are the 4 finalist of our wall colors. I was surprised to realize that the one I loved the most on the paint chip was the one I hated the most on the wall and the one I disliked the most on the paint chip is my favorite on the wall. Hopefully we can find a shade of carpet that I feel really complements it, but if not I already have a carpet piece picked out for my second favorite color so all is not lost

From left to right: Silver Lining, Gray Pearl, Tea Pot, and Familiarize. I’ll announce the winning color in the next couple weeks. I have a feeling choosing the carpet is going to take awhile….

I highly recommend going with paint samples first (even if you are absolutely SURE you’ve chosen the perfect color.) Trust me. It will save you money and time in the long run. Plus, you will end up with a color you love instead of a color you hate.

These colors will remain on our wall for several days so I can see them in different lighting situations and see how I like the different carpet choices. This might be overkill but I refuse to do this a THIRD time so we are doing it right this time

The overall color scheme for our living room is Gray, Cream, and Blue. I’m excited to work on this throughout the summer and blog about our progress.

When you walk into our home you immediately see our living room, kitchen, and hallway. In it’s current state you are exposed to four different colors on the walls. It’s not a very welcoming feeling and makes me feel very antsy with all that is going on, so all of these walls are going to be the same Gray with white trim (Rich White.) I want each room to have their own personality but I also don’t want it to be a stark difference since you can see both rooms upon entering so I have one color to quietly bring it all together.

The kitchen will be Gray, Cream, and Yellow with a touch of blue from the living room. My first project for the kitchen is to repaint our dining room set. This will be a pretty cream (Picket Fence) and yellow (Sugar Cookie or Lemon Delight) with cushions and pillows added to the chairs.

I chose yellow for the kitchen on a whim. I don’t usually do this, but none of the other colors I had chosen felt right and I was beginning to feel like there was too much blue in our design plans and the other colors I felt were way too girly for a house full of boys I went to the hardware store intending to select colors of the blue, pink, purple, and green range but someone was already in that section so while I waited I found myself really drawn to the yellows and I realized that was the perfect color. I wasn’t able to get the Lemon Delight sample so I’ll have to try that next week when they get more paint cans in. I guess I cleared the shelves with all my samples This yellow rose has become my inspiration for the rest of the kitchen. I forgot I had it but the Creature decided to climb on my dresser while I was gone and Dad was on the phone and then fell off in his attempt to hurriedly get down before I caught him when I came home. He landed on a box that burst opened with the yellow rose in it. So I guess I can give him a pass for doing something he wasn’t suppose to be doing

I mean, look how adorable this kid is!

I am an artist. I have been drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, and creating creativity since I was old enough to hold a pencil.

When I was fourteen I discovered the beautiful world of photography. It was film back then.

I laugh when I look back at some of my earlier work. My creative flare was soaring and some of my subjects were peculiar to say the least. No wonder my mother grew tired of paying for my “art.”

Then, when I was seventeen, people started offering to PAY me for my work. Not just my photography but my other artwork as well. Before I realized it, I was going to high school, working part time for Papa Johns, and had my own photography business on the weekends.

I had a few options available to me as high school came to a close. I had the opportunity of earning a scholarship to work as an intern with National Geographics. I imagined traveling across Africa, encountering wild Lions and Natives. Of course the internship was only for state side and really nothing big but to me it was the world and a great opportunity to get some real journalistic experience under my belt. Besides who says   I couldn’t have gone from Coffee Delivery Girl to Leading Photographer in ten years or less?

I also had the opportunity of going to New York or Chicago to develop my journalistic skills even more. I wanted my photographs to really speak to people. It was a dream career of mine and I was going to make it big.

My two final opportunities were to stay home and make a life there or to move to Utah and really start a booming business career as one of Utah’s most successful photographers in the state.

So what happened? How did I end up here, in a cold, cloudy town in the middle of the Rocky Mountains?

Fear.

I allowed Fear to rule my life. My family and I had been through a lot in the last few years of my high school days and I felt weak both physically and emotionally. I did everything I was suppose to for my scholarships. I even started searching for apartments and possible roommates. In the end I stuffed everything in a drawer that is now boxed up in my mother’s attic back home. I gave up before I even started, because I allowed the unknowns and fears of everyone around me and within myself to dictate where I was going in my adult years.

Sometimes I wonder about where I would be if I had actually sent in my scholarship applications and achieved one of them. I wonder if I would be married or traveling the world? Would I be living in New York or Chicago as a photojournalist for some big shot paper or magazine? Would I still be living at home (home as in FL not home as in mom’s garage) working for Papa Johns and running a weekend Photography Business?

In the end I realize somehow I still would have ended up in UT, married, and living in Wyoming. It seems that although my fears originally led me, somewhere along the way, Courage is what gave me strength to become the woman I am today and to be where I am right now.

Nothing is as I had planned. For the most part I am okay with that. I still struggle with the weather here and feeling like I belong, but for the most part I have peace in this beautiful place and as long as I hold strong to my values and convictions of what is right for my family and me, life is good.

I have always imagined myself being a Career Woman. To stay at home and cater to my husband’s and children’s every need was mundane and beneath me. I thrive from being social and around others, helping and changing lives. I crave to be the best of the best and to outshine my own shadow. I am a hardworking, driven woman with a fierceness to be reckoned with when someone threatens my very being. I have always wanted to be and do something extraordinary. I felt the only way to accomplish this was through my art and having my own photography business.

I realize now that I am extraordinary to him and that is enough.

I never imagined myself being a wife or a mother until my later teen years, but still, I thought I would have my career first and then my family. Priorities ya know

This is why I think even if I hadn’t let Fear dictate my life as a youth, I still somehow would have ended up in UT and falling in love with the Man from Star Valley Wyoming.

Although I had decided being a mother wasn’t such a bad idea after all, I still struggled with what it could mean for my identity. I was worried others would only see me as a mother. That I would be nothing more than a Mormon Mom with a Fancy Camera. And to most this really is a true statement, no matter how hard I try to prove otherwise. I struggled with the idea of having to constantly be there for this little human being that demands so much from my inner and outer self. I feared getting lost in the world of Motherhood. (I know, ironic coming from someone who struggles with infertility.)

Instead, I discovered myself. I realized just who I was and I came to understand my purpose in the life I have chosen.

I also realized I lost myself in my photography. I didn’t realize it until recently, as I was sorting through and organizing my images. To me I had lost my creative flare. I had begun to cater so much to my client’s needs that I forgot why I even began a photography business. Yes, I need to meet my client’s needs but I also needed to create a balance where I reached beyond and create a style and purpose to my images. My work had become typical and nothing spectacular in the photography community. Although my clients loved their images because they were unique to them and they were of course of their babies and family.

I thought being a photographer and keeping my business going would give me my identity. I could have something for myself along with being a Mother. The irony of it all makes me smile. Who would have thought the one thing I desperately tried to hold on to, would turn out to be the one thing that took me away from who I wanted to be?

Twenty six long months later, I finally realize who I am and where my true priorities lie right now. I have fought it because I have struggled with whether or not what I was feeling was truly what my heart desired or if it was Fear trying to take over again.

I need to get back to my roots. Remind myself of why I am an artist and why I chose, despite my previous thoughts on the manner, to be a mother. I need to fall back in love again with my family, my values, my convictions, my life. I feel like I have missed a lot over the past couple of years. Moments that could have been amazing and inspiring, I missed because of the inner struggle I was having between Motherhood and Career Woman. I don’t want to miss anymore. This realization was startling to me at first because I have always admired women who are both Mothers and Career Women. I thought it was what I wanted also. I have since learned otherwise.

After several months of pondering, praying, and discussing, I have finally come to the decision that I will no longer be offering my photography skills as a business. I will no longer be booking sessions. I will still honor several client’s sessions (gift certificates, currently booked sessions, and credits.) so no worries there

I need to focus on my family right now. I will still be a photographer and I will still be an artist. I just won’t be building or continuing as a business. My life is now dedicated to my son and any future children we may have.

I know this will be difficult for some of you to understand and that’s okay. I know what I am doing is what is best for my family and me. It has been a long hard journey to get to this crossroad, but I am willing to take it and I hope that my loved ones and my very much appreciated and valued clients will support me in this decision.

Here’s to looking forward to officially being a Stay At Home Mom Who knows, maybe I will learn how to cook without setting off smoke alarms

Photos by beautiful Sami Jo Photography

Since my little guy turned one he has been teething one set after another and his molars started coming in at 14 months. For awhile they just sat partially emerged in his gums but this past week and half they have started to break through completely and the poor little guy is miserable. Bloody gums, high fevers, and lots of pain. I think this past weekend was my breaking point. He wouldn’t eat and barely nursed. He just kept chewing on anything and anyone. Thank goodness for our oils but I sure did have to keep applying them to keep the pain and fevers down. He has three more to go and I pray we are done for awhile! We BOTH need sleep!

Isn’t he still the cutest little thing when he’s miserable?

For as long as I can remember John has placed his large hands over little man’s ears and that always seems to calm him to sleep. Recently the Creature has started doing this himself when he is ready for bed or is already asleep. So cute!

John’s favorite meal is Pot Roast. He loves it every Sunday. I HATE it. Pot Roast has got to be one of the most flavorless, boring meals out there. I think I attempted to make it in a crock pot once and that was several years ago. Recently I decided I needed to be a better sport and try to make more of the meals John loves. So yesterday I tried my hand at Pot Roast

I am not a cook. I burn nearly EVERYTHING and some items I’ve managed to burn have been pretty impressive (like tea.)

Because I am not a cook and I hate taking more than an hour to make anything, I wanted a simple, basic recipe that didn’t require a crock pot, cream of soup, gravies, or ingredients/spices I couldn’t pronounce. Pinterest and Google were of no help. So, I came up with my own quick, simple, very basic Pot Roast Recipe.

Half to one whole Red Onion

Meat Tenderizing Seasoning

Basil Leaves

Italian Seasoning

Baby Carrots

Sea Salt

Black Pepper

Oven preheated 350 degrees

I coated the bottom of my dish with thin slices of the Red Onion. I then sprinkled the entire Pot Roast with the Meat Tenderizing Seasoning and placed it on top of the onions. I tossed a few carrots and some more sliced onions around the Pot Roast. Next, I seasoned the top of the Pot Roast with Sea Salt and Black Pepper. I finished it off with the Basil leaves and Italian Seasoning and filled the dish with about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of water (I just eye balled it so not sure on the exact amount.) I covered the dish with foil and plopped it in the oven for 3.5 hours (I think it ended up being more like 4 since I might have slightly forgotten about it, but 3 to 3.5 hours is plenty.) I checked on the roast at about 3 hours to make sure there was still plenty of water. I recommend not going past the 3.5 hours since ours seemed to be a little dry after being in there for 4 hours. Our roast was really small so I recommend adjusting cook time if you have a larger roast you need to cook. It was a little spicy and still moist despite it cooking longer than intended (but I could tell it was starting to dry out so don’t forget to take it out in time!)

Not bad for my first Pot Roast